I don’t know about you, but I truly believe that we’re all here on a personal mission. We’re here to learn and grow, as souls. But we are also here to do some kind of work, for the greater good of the planet.
This can be your work as in your career, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be anything you contribute with. Anything you do that makes this world a better place somehow.
For me, I’ve always felt that what I work with has to matter. I’ve always felt that I’m here to do something. I had a feeling that my job had to have a sense of purpose to it. But my problem has been that I just didn’t have a clue what that was. Not a clue! I’ve been struggling to find a job that has felt meaningful to me.
I worked as a waitress and a bartender in London for many years and basically just had fun. That worked for a bit when I was young. But then I felt that I needed to use my brain some more because I got bored. So I started at University, which was great because I’ve always enjoyed learning new things. And after University I got a job at a bank in Stockholm, and then everything changed...
This was such a horrible time for me. A dark time. I got depressed after about 6 months in that environment, and went into a deep depression that lasted for almost 2 years. I felt that I couldn’t be myself there. I felt that I couldn’t express any of my creativity. I felt stuck, frustrated and lost.
I knew that this wasn’t the work that I was here to do, but as I “fell” deeper and deeper into depression, it was harder to imagine what it was that I actually wanted to do. I got more and more lost the longer I worked there.
I learned a lot at the bank though. I learned that even though I was naturally good at organising and doing paperwork, this didn’t give me any kind of satisfaction. It wasn’t fun. I also learned that my strength was building a connection with my customers. They liked me and trusted me, and I really enjoyed our interactions and our meetings. (I even had clients that came by just to get a hug, and my boss got so upset every time, even though it wasn't my initiative.) At the bank, I realised that I enjoyed talking to people, which surprised me because I had always considered myself a very shy person.
These were two dark years of my life. I cried pretty much every day. I walked to work with a lot of resistance and very, very heavy steps. Sunday nights were the worst. I had such anxiety over the fact that I had to go into work the next day, and then do that for 5 days in a row. It was horrible. I had very little energy. I was extremely moody. I lived for the weekends, which was the only time I felt like I could come up for air and be myself.
After a little over 2 years, I felt that I needed to resign. I needed to quit. I had no clue what I wanted to do after leaving the bank, I just knew that if I stayed there I would die. In fact, I felt like I was slowly dying. And I was. My soul was slowly dying in that place. And my body was giving me all the signals. It was giving me plenty of mood signals, and energy signals. It even gave me so much back pain that I had to stay home from work from time to time.
As soon as I left and walked out of that door, at the end of June 2009, everything shifted. All my issues went away. My depression vanished, my back pain vanished, my bad mood vanished, and my energy returned.
I think it’s kind of crazy how much your job can affect you. But it can, and it does. I’m not the only one who’s been suffering like this. That’s why I think it’s important to ask ourselves, “Are we doing the work that we are supposed to do here?”
Now, some people can do any kind of job and be perfectly fine with it, because they’ve got another mission outside of work that makes them feel fulfilled. Or some people are just happy with any kind of job, because they’re so disconnected from their soul, that they don’t even notice. It doesn’t bother them. But I’m not one of those people. There needs to be some kind of purpose to the work that I do. And after the bank experience, I have been searching for my purpose. I have been searching everywhere!
Right after leaving the bank, I did a massage course in London. This was like coming home for me. I felt comfortable there. It suited me and my personality. The issue was that I couldn’t work with this full time, as it’s taxing on my body. I need breaks in between and days off to rest my body. So I started searching for something else to do besides massage. There’s been nutritional healing, movement coaching, yoga, and skin coaching among other things.
And let me tell you, at 47, I couldn’t be happier to have finally found my purpose! It has been a hell of a journey, but I’m proud of myself for never giving up.
The massage was the only thing that really felt a 100% like me during all these years. But at times I even contemplated giving it up because I felt like I wasn't doing enough, and I felt like people just wanted to come see me to get some temporary relief and fill up on my energy. I wondered how I could help more, but I didn't have the answers. Luckily I didn't give up. Because now that I've developed it further and I've gone deeper, it feels more like home than ever. I finally feel like I've stepped into my role as a healer. I've finally embodied my purpose as a healer.
It makes me emotional writing this. It’s almost hard to take in. I finally understand what I’m here to do. The knowing is such a relief to my system. I have been searching and chasing for decades, and now I can finally relax. I found the treasure at last.
The thing that facilitated all of this was the Holistic Life Coach education I did. We were a very small group and we got some intense coaching, that really helped me connect with my soul. It became obvious to me how I want to work. All of a sudden it was so clear to me that I wanted depth. I want to go deep. I’m not interested in working on the surface. I want to go deep and do soul work. Both with the massage and with the coaching.
So, what is it that you’re here to do? What are your strengths? What are your natural talents? What makes you happy? What gives you energy?
If you have a problem figuring this out, I would love to help you find the answers that are somewhere inside of you. I would love to help you get a clearer vision and help you actually feel what your soul is trying to communicate to you. If you want to know more about Holistic Life Coaching, you can read more about it here.
And please remember that you’re amazing, just the way you are. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. But if you’re anything like me, and there’s a longing inside of you, just know that that longing is coming from your soul. Your soul wants you to make the most out of this life. So don’t ignore this feeling, dive deeper into it instead. Explore it. What are you here to do?
Lots and lots of Love,